Americans Shopping

Sunday, December 1, 2019 – Americans Shopping

Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice. ~ Dave Barry

I take Him shopping with me. I say, okay, Jesus, help me find a bargain. ~ Tammy Faye Bakker

Nothing’s as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas. ~ Kin Hubbard

In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it “Christmas” and went to church; the Jews called it “Hanukkah” and went to synagogue; the atheists went to parties and drank. People passing each other on the street would say “Merry Christmas!” or “Happy Hanukkah!” or (to the atheists) “Look out for the wall!” ~ Dave Barry

I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph. ~ Shirley Temple

From a commercial point of view, if Christmas did not exist it would be necessary to invent it. ~ Katharine Whitehorn

But it is a cold, lifeless business when you go to the shops to buy something, which does not represent your life and talent, but a goldsmith’s. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Tonight the city is full of morgues, and all the toilets are overflowing. There are shopping malls coming out of the walls, as we walk out among the manure. That’s why I pay no mind. ~ Beck Hansen

Americans are fascinated by their own love of shopping. This does not make them unique. It’s just that they have more to buy than most other people on the planet. And it’s also an affirmation of faith in their country. ~ Simon Hoggart

If you think the United States has stood still, who built the largest shopping center in the world? ~ Richard M. Nixon

We’re rapidly approaching a world comprised entirely of jail and shopping. ~ Doug Coupland

Win or lose, we go shopping after the election. ~ Imelda Marcos

When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It’s a whole different way of thinking. ~ Elayne Boosler

If men liked shopping, they’d call it research. ~ Cynthia Nelms

A consumer is a shopper who is sore about something. ~ Harold Coffin

We used to build civilizations. Now we build shopping malls. ~ Bill Bryson

Whoever said money can’t buy happiness simply didn’t know where to go shopping. ~ Bo Derek

Money can’t buy you happiness, but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery. ~ Spike Milligan

Certainly there are things in life that money can’t buy, but it’s very funny. Did you ever try buying them without money? ~ Ogden Nash

The car, the furniture, the wife, the children – everything has to be disposable. Because you see the main thing today is – shopping. ~ Arthur Miller

Shopping is a woman thing. It’s a contact sport like football. Women enjoy the scrimmage, the noisy crowds, the danger of being trampled to death, and the ecstasy of the purchase. ~ Erma Bombeck

Buying is a profound pleasure. ~ Simone de Beauvoir

The quickest way to know a woman is to go shopping with her. ~ Marcelene Cox

We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops. ~ Henny Youngman

Shopping is better than sex. If you’re not satisfied after shopping you can make an exchange for something you really like. ~ Adrienne Gusoff

A woman’s mind is affected by the meanest gifts. [Parvis mobilis rebus animus muliebris.] ~ Titus Livy, Annales (VI, 34)

Wal-Mart… do they, like, make walls there? ~ Paris Hilton

Thank God we’re living in a country where the sky’s the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television. ~ Joan Rivers

Buying something on sale is a very special feeling. In fact, the less I pay for something, the more it is worth to me. I have a dress that I paid so little for that I am afraid to wear it. I could spill something on it, and then how would I replace it for that amount of money? ~ Rita Rudner

A bargain is something you can’t use at a price you can’t resist. ~ Franklin P. Jones

Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination. ~ Oscar Wilde

I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something. ~ Jackie Mason

All of those people whose faces decorate the shopping bags of Barnes and Noble, with a few exceptions, would never get published today. ~ Mark Crispin Miller

Buying books would be a good thing if one could also buy the time to read them in. ~ Arthur Schopenhauer

I hate last-minute shopping, it’s always unsuccessful. ~ Cat Deeley

Star Trek characters never go shopping. ~ Doug Coupland

I love to go shopping. I love to freak out salespeople. They ask me if they can help me, and I say, “Have you got anything I’d like?” Then they ask me what size I need, and I say, “Extra medium.” ~ Steven Wright

I went to a general store but they wouldn’t let me buy anything specific. ~ Steven Wright

The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one. ~ Erma Bombeck

Too many people spend money they haven’t earned, to buy things they don’t want, to impress people they don’t like. ~ Will Rogers

The few remaining truths are graffiti, suicide notes, shopping lists. ~ Francesca da Rimini