College Daze

Sunday, March 11, 2012 – College Daze

College is the best time of your life. When else are your parents going to spend several thousand dollars a year just for you to go to a strange town and get drunk every night? ~ David Wood

If you tell folks you’re a college student, folks are so impressed. You can be a student in anything and not have to know anything. Just say toxicology or marine biokinesis, and the person you’re talking to will change the subject to himself. If this doesn’t work, mention the neural synapses of embryonic pigeons. ~ Chuck Palahniuk

College is a refuge from hasty judgment. ~ Robert Frost

College is a place to keep warm between high school and an early marriage. ~ George Gobel

Academe, n.: An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught. Academy, n.: A modern school where football is taught. ~Ambrose Bierce, The Devil’s Dictionary

A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car; but if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad. ~ Theodore Roosevelt

If you feel that you have both feet planted on level ground, then the university has failed you. ~ Robert Goheen

The advantage of a classical education is that it enables you to despise the wealth which it prevents you from achieving. ~ Russell Green

Fathers send their sons to college either because they went to college or they didn’t. ~ L. L. Hendren

A liberal education… frees a man from the prison-house of his class, race, time, place, background, family and even his nation. ~ Robert Maynard Hutchins

A college education shows a man how little other people know. ~ Thomas Chandler Haliburton

The average Ph.D. thesis is nothing but a transference of bones from one graveyard to another. ~ J. Frank Dobie

A liberal-arts education is supposed to provide you with a value system, a standard, a set of ideas, not a job. ~ Caroline Bird

The new appears as a minority point of view, and hence is unpopular. The function of a university is to give it a sanctuary. ~ Martin H. Fischer

I am not impressed by the Ivy League establishments. Of course they graduate the best – it’s all they’ll take, leaving to others the problem of educating the country. They will give you an education the way the banks will give you money – provided you can prove to their satisfaction that you don’t need it. ~ Peter DeVries

Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education. ~ Mark Twain

Going to college offered me the chance to play football for four more years. ~ Ronald Reagan

A thorough knowledge of the Bible is worth more than a college education. ~ Theodore Roosevelt

A whale ship was my Yale College and my Harvard. ~ Herman Melville

I spent three days a week for 10 years educating myself in the public library, and it’s better than college. People should educate themselves – you can get a complete education for no money. At the end of 10 years, I had read every book in the library and I’d written a thousand stories. ~ Ray Bradbury

If you want to get laid, go to college. If you want an education, go to the library. ~ Frank Zappa

A university is just a group of buildings gathered around a library. ~ Shelby Foote

Economists report that a college education adds many thousands of dollars to a man’s lifetime income – which he then spends sending his son to college. ~ Bill Vaughan

I’m going to college. I don’t care if it ruins my career. I’d rather be smart than a movie star. ~ Natalie Portman

I regret to this day that I never went to college. I feel I should have been a doctor. ~ Ty Cobb

Here is a lesson in creative writing. First rule: Do not use semicolons. They are transvestite hermaphrodites representing absolutely nothing. All they do is show you’ve been to college. ~ Kurt Vonnegut

Usually when you ask somebody in college why they are there, they’ll tell you it’s to get an education. The truth of it is, they are there to get the degree so that they can get ahead in the rat race. Too many college radicals are two-timing punks. The only reason you should be in college is to destroy it. ~ Abbie Hoffman, Steal This Book

If our colleges and universities do not breed men who riot, who rebel, who attack life with all the youthful vim and vigor, then there is something wrong with our colleges. The more riots that come on college campuses, the better world for tomorrow. ~ William Allen White

A telephone survey says that 51 percent of college students drink until they pass out at least once a month. The other 49 percent didn’t answer the phone. ~ Craig Kilborn

Americans are the only people in the world known to me whose status anxiety prompts them to advertise their college and university affiliations in the rear window of their automobiles ~ Paul Fussell

I think college administrators should encourage students to urinate on walls and bushes, because then when students from another college come sniffing around, they’ll know this is someone else’s territory. ~ Jack Handy

Every year, many, many stupid people graduate from college. And if they can do it, so can you. ~ John Green


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