The End of Football

Sunday, February 2, 2014 – The End of Football

Being in politics is like being a football coach. You have to be smart enough to understand the game, and dumb enough to think it’s important. ~ Eugene McCarthy

Politics is like football; if you see daylight, go through the hole. ~ John F. Kennedy

Nixon was a crook, of course, but he was also a rabid football fan – and he knew the game, which still astounds me, but I have always had a soft spot for him because of it. ~ Hunter S. Thompson

Football is a simple game. Twenty-two men chase a ball for 90 minutes and at the end, the Germans always win. ~ Gary Lineker

In football everything is complicated by the presence of the opposite team. ~ Jean-Paul Sartre

If you have not seen it, FOOTBALL is a game in which men shove one another back and forth for no reason. They do not choose how, when, or whom they shove. All that has been decided for them in advance. All they need to do is follow the orders given to them before the game, showing them where to run and how to violently deploy the meat of their bodies against the meat that is running at them. They are doing this in order to please one angry old man on the sidelines. This old man is called the “coach” or “yelling surrogate dad who will never be happy.” ~ John Hodgman

Football is like life and I know life. ~ Rush Limbaugh

Football is like a chess match – a chess match where you can beat the shit out of your opponent. ~ Jarod Kintz

People who work together will win, whether it be against complex football defenses, or the problems of modern society. ~ Vince Lombardi

A school without football is in danger of deteriorating into a medieval study hall. ~ Vince Lombardi

Academe, n.: An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught. Academy, n.: A modern school where football is taught. ~ Ambrose Bierce

I am delighted to have you play football. I believe in rough, manly sports. But I do not believe in them if they degenerate into the sole end of any one’s existence. I don’t want you to sacrifice standing well in your studies to any over-athleticism; and I need not tell you that character counts for a great deal more than either intellect or body in winning success in life. Athletic proficiency is a mighty good servant, and like so many other good servants, a mighty bad master. ~ Theodore Roosevelt

College football is a sport that bears the same relation to education that bullfighting does to agriculture. ~ Elbert Hubbard

If a man watches three football games in a row he should be declared legally dead. ~ Erma Bombeck

You can’t be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer. ~ Frank Zappa

The reason women don’t play football is because eleven of them would never wear the same outfit in public. ~ Phyllis Diller

Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent. ~ Dave Barry

Football combines the two worst things about America: it is violence punctuated by committee meetings. ~ George Will

Often there are players who have only football as a way of expressing themselves and never develop other interests. And when they no longer play football, they no longer do anything; they no longer exist, or rather they have the sensation of no longer existing. ~ Eric Cantona

I don’t understand American football at all. It looks like all-in wrestling with crash helmets. ~ Sting

Some people think football is a matter of life and death. I assure you, it’s much more serious than that. ~ Bill Shankly

Gentlemen, it is better to have died as a small boy than to fumble this football. ~ John Heisman

When I played pro football, I never set out to hurt anyone deliberately – unless it was, you know, important, like a league game or something. ~ Dick Butkus

Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein. ~ Joe Theismann

In football, time and space are the same thing. ~ Graham Taylor

I don’t know whether I prefer Astroturf to grass. I never smoked Astroturf. ~ Joe Namath

Football is a game designed to keep coal miners off the streets. ~ Jimmy Breslin

Baseball happens to be a game of cumulative tension but football, basketball and hockey are played with hand grenades and machine guns. ~ John Leonard

Baseball players are smarter than football players. How often do you see a baseball team penalized for too many men on the field? ~ Jim Bouton

When I went to Catholic high school in Philadelphia, we just had one coach for football and basketball. He took all of us who turned out and had us run through a forest. The ones who ran into the trees were on the football team. ~ George Raveling

The same boys who got detention in elementary school for beating the crap out of people are now rewarded for it. They call it football. ~ Laurie Halse Anderson

When it’s third and ten, you can take the milk drinkers and I’ll take the whiskey drinkers. ~ Max McGee

Football is violence and cold weather and sex and college rye. ~ Roger Kahn

You have to play this game like somebody just hit your mother with a two-by-four. ~ Dan Birdwell

If my mother put on a helmet and shoulder pads and a uniform that wasn’t the same as the one I was wearing, I’d run over her if she was in my way. And I love my mother. ~ Bo Jackson

Football is easy if you’re crazy as hell. ~ Bo Jackson

Baseball is fathers and sons. Football is brothers beating each other up in the backyard. ~ Donald Hall

Baseball is what we were, and football is what we have become. ~ Mary McGrory

Football is, after all, a wonderful way to get rid of your aggressions without going to jail for it. ~ Heywood Hale Brown

Watching football is like watching pornography. There’s plenty of action, and I can’t take my eyes off it, but when it’s over, I wonder why the hell I spent an afternoon doing it. ~ Luke Salisbury


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