For Mothers Day

Sunday, May 9, 2010 – For Mothers Day

A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie. ~ Tenneva Jordan

A suburban mother’s role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after. ~ Peter De Vries

Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly. ~ Ambrose Bierce

Women’s Liberation is just a lot of foolishness. It’s the men who are discriminated against. They can’t bear children. And no one’s likely to do anything about that. ~ Golda Meir

Women are aristocrats, and it is always the mother who makes us feel that we belong to the better sort. ~ John Lancaster Spalding

The heart of a mother is a deep abyss at the bottom of which you will always find forgiveness. ~ Honoré de Balzac

All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That is his. ~ Oscar Wilde, The Importance of Being Earnest, 1895

He is a poor son whose sonship does not make him desire to serve all men’s mothers. ~ Harry Emerson Fosdick

I hope my tongue in prune juice smothers, If I belittle dogs and mothers. ~ Ogden Nash

If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands? ~ Milton Berle

Grown don’t mean nothing to a mother. A child is a child. They get bigger, older, but grown? What’s that suppose to mean? In my heart it don’t mean a thing. ~ Toni Morrison, Beloved, 1987

The mother-child relationship is paradoxical and, in a sense, tragic. It requires the most intense love on the mother’s side, yet this very love must help the child grow away from the mother, and to become fully independent. ~ Erich Fromm

Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. ~ Elizabeth Stone

It kills you to see them grow up. But I guess it would kill you quicker if they didn’t. ~ Barbara Kingsolver, Animal Dreams

The only mothers it is safe to forget on Mother’s Day are the good ones. ~ Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic’s Notebook, 1960

The precursor of the mirror is the mother’s face. ~ D. W. Winnicott, Playing and Reality, 1971

Mother is the name for God in the lips and hearts of little children. ~ William Makepeace Thackeray

I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them. ~ Phyllis Diller

Mothers are all slightly insane. ~ J. D. Salinger

If there were no schools to take the children away from home part of the time, the insane asylums would be filled with mothers. ~ Edward W. Howe

Sing out loud in the car even, or especially, if it embarrasses your children. ~ Marilyn Penland

The more people have studied different methods of bringing up children the more they have come to the conclusion that what good mothers and fathers instinctively feel like doing for their babies is the best after all. ~ Benjamin Spock

I remember when I was a kid I used to come home from Sunday School and my mother would get drunk and try to make pancakes. ~ George Carlin

The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found. ~ Calvin Trillin

My mother’s menu consisted of two choices: Take it or leave it. ~ Buddy Hackett

Food, love, career, and mothers, the four major guilt groups. ~ Cathy Guisewite

My father used to play with my brother and me in the yard. Mother would come out and say, “You’re tearing up the grass!” “We’re not raising grass,” Dad would reply. “We’re raising boys” ~ Harmon Killebrew quotes

My mother, Southern to the bone, once told me, “All Southern literature can be summed up in these words: ‘On the night the hogs ate Willie, Mama died when she heard what Daddy did to sister.” ~ Pat Conroy

Mothers are the necessity of invention. ~ Bill Watterson

My mother loved children – she would have given anything if I had been one. ~ Groucho Marx

Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected. ~ Red Buttons

My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it. ~ Mark Twain

Few misfortunes can befall a boy which bring worse consequences than to have a really affectionate mother. ~ William Somerset Maugham

We say that a girl with her doll anticipates the mother. It is more true, perhaps, that most mothers are still but children with playthings. ~ F. H. Bradley

Mothers all want their sons to grow up to be president, but they don’t want them to become politicians in the process. ~ John F. Kennedy

They say geniuses mostly have great mothers. They mostly have sad fates. ~ D. H. Lawrence

You don’t really understand human nature unless you know why a child on a merry-go-round will wave at his parents every time around – and why his parents will always wave back. ~ William D. Tammeus

The Vatican is against surrogate mothers. Good thing they didn’t have that rule when Jesus was born. ~ Elayne Boosler

Women who miscalculate are called mothers. ~ Abigail Van Buren