Telling Jokes

Sunday, August 26, 2012 – Telling Jokes

I’m not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I’m not dumb… and I also know that I’m not blonde. ~ Dolly Parton

I don’t mind making jokes, but I don’t want to look like one. ~ Marilyn Monroe

I don’t make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts. ~ Will Rogers

I remain just one thing, and one thing only – and that is a clown. It places me on a far higher plane than any politician. ~ Charlie Chaplin

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know, some of these jokes just write themselves. ~ David Letterman

For every ten jokes you acquire a hundred enemies. ~ Laurence Sterne

A difference of taste in jokes is a great strain on the affections. ~ George Eliot

A serious and good philosophical work could be written consisting entirely of jokes. ~ Ludwig Wittgenstein

It is requisite for the relaxation of the mind that we make use, from time to time, of playful deeds and jokes. ~ Thomas Aquinas

Jokes are grievances. ~ Marshall McLuhan

Life, as I discovered, holds no more wretched occupation than trying to make the English laugh. ~ Malcolm Muggeridge

A civil servant doesn’t make jokes. ~ Eugene Ionesco

You achieve the surreal jokes through the realism by making it elastic. ~ Dylan Moran

What other culture could have produced someone like Hemingway and not seen the joke? ~ Gore Vidal

Jokes are better than war. Even the most aggressive jokes are better than the least aggressive wars. Even the longest jokes are better than the shortest wars. ~ George Mikes

If you keep making jokes like that, somebody is going to shoot you, father. ~ Mary Todd Lincoln

Wit is a weapon. Jokes are a masculine way of inflicting superiority. But humor is the pursuit of a gentle grin, usually in solitude. ~ Frank Muir

It is not necessary for the public to know whether I am joking or whether I am serious, just as it is not necessary for me to know it myself. ~ Salvador Dalí

Whoever is admitted or sought for, in company, upon any other account than that of his merit and manners, is never respected there, but only made use of. We will have such-a-one, for he sings prettily; we will invite such-a-one to a ball, for he dances well; we will have such-a-one at supper, for he is always joking and laughing; we will ask another because he plays deep at all games, or because he can drink a great deal. These are all vilifying distinctions, mortifying preferences, and exclude all ideas of esteem and regard. Whoever is had (as it is called) in company for the sake of any one thing singly, is singly that thing, and will never be considered in any other light; consequently never respected, let his merits be what they will. ~ Lord Chesterfield

It is by vivacity and wit that man shines in company; but trite jokes and loud laughter reduce him to a buffoon. ~ Lord Chesterfield

The old idea that the joke was not good enough for the company has been superseded by the new aristocratic idea that the company was not worthy of the joke. They have introduced an almost insane individualism into that one form of intercourse which is specially and uproariously communal. They have made even levities into secrets. They have made laughter lonelier than tears. ~ G. K. Chesterton

Prithee don’t screw your wit beyond the compass of good manners. ~ Colley Cibber

The natives are superficially agreeable, but they go in for cannibalism, headhunting, infanticide, incest, avoidance and joking relationships, and biting lice in half with their teeth. ~ Margaret Mead

A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling. ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

The aim of a joke is not to degrade the human being, but to remind him that he is already degraded. ~ George Orwell

A person reveals his character by nothing so clearly as the joke he resents. ~ Georg Christoph Lichtenberg

His hilarity was like a scream from a crevasse. ~ Graham Greene

A pun does not commonly justify a blow in return. But if a blow were given for such cause, and death ensued, the jury would be judges both of the facts and of the pun, and might, if the latter were of an aggravated character, return a verdict of justifiable homicide. ~ Oliver Wendell Holmes

If you’ve heard this story before, don’t stop me, because I’d like to hear it again. ~ Groucho Marx

Suppose the world were only one of God’s jokes, would you work any the less to make it a good joke instead of a bad one? ~ George Bernard Shaw

How can one better magnify the Almighty than by sniggering with him at his little jokes, particularly the poorer ones. ~ Samuel Beckett

I should stop myself from dying if a good joke or a good idea occurred to me. ~ Voltaire


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