The Reality of Marriage

Sunday, June 28, 2015 – The Reality of Marriage

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution? ~ Groucho Marx

Marriage, n: the state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two. ~ Ambrose Bierce

How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being. ~ Oscar Wilde

I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. ~ Rita Rudner

When marrying, ask yourself this question: Do you believe that you will be able to converse well with this person into your old age? Everything else in marriage is transitory. ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

A happy marriage is a long conversation which always seems too short. ~ Andre Maurois

Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then. ~ Katharine Hepburn

I’d marry again if I found a man who had fifteen million dollars, would sign over half to me, and guarantee that he’d be dead within a year. ~ Bette Davis

The comfortable estate of widowhood is the only hope that keeps up a wife’s spirits. ~ John Gay

There’s only one way to have a happy marriage and as soon as I learn what it is I’ll get married again. ~ Clint Eastwood

No man should marry until he has studied anatomy and dissected at least one woman. ~ Honore de Balzac

Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn’t they’d be married too. ~ H. L. Mencken

Bachelors have consciences, married men have wives. ~ Samuel Johnson

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife. ~ Prince Philip

Marriage is an adventure, like going to war. ~ Gilbert K. Chesterton

Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit. ~ Billy Connolly

It takes patience to appreciate domestic bliss; volatile spirits prefer unhappiness. ~ George Santayana

Marrying a man is like buying something you’ve been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn’t always go with everything else in the house. ~ Jean Kerr

Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and give her a house. ~ Lewis Grizzard

Many a man in love with a dimple makes the mistake of marrying the whole girl. ~ Stephen Leacock

I married beneath me, all women do. ~ Nancy Astor

Always get married in the morning. That way if it doesn’t work out, you haven’t wasted the whole day. ~ Mickey Rooney

Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays. ~ Henny Youngman

There is, hidden or flaunted, a sword between the sexes till an entire marriage reconciles them. ~ C. S. Lewis

Marriage is like a game of chess except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome. ~ Jerry Seinfeld

Marriage: A friendship recognized by the police. ~ Robert Louis Stevenson

When two people are under the influence of the most violent, most insane, most delusive, and most transient of passions, they are required to swear that they will remain in that excited, abnormal, and exhausting condition continuously until death do them part. ~ George Bernard Shaw

I believe it was Shakespeare, or possibly Howard Cosell, who first observed that marriage is very much like a birthday candle, in that “the flames of passion burn brightest when the wick of intimacy is first ignited by the disposable butane lighter of physical attraction, but sooner or later the heat of familiarity causes the wax of boredom to drip all over the vanilla frosting of novelty and the shredded coconut of romance.” I could not have phrased it better myself. ~ Dave Barry

Marriage is not a process for prolonging the life of love, sir. It merely mummifies its corpse. ~ P. G. Wodehouse, The Small Bachelor

Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery. ~ Erma Bombeck

Those who talk most about the blessings of marriage and the constancy of its vows are the very people who declare that if the chain were broken and the prisoners left free to choose, the whole social fabric would fly asunder. You cannot have the argument both ways. If the prisoner is happy, why lock him in? If he is not, why pretend that he is?” ~ George Bernard Shaw, Man and Superman

So that is marriage, Lily thought, a man and a woman looking at a girl throwing a ball. ~ Virginia Woolf, To the Lighthouse

By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher. ~ Socrates

And she’s got brains enough for two, which is the exact quantity the girl who marries you will need. ~ P. G. Wodehouse, Mostly Sally


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